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  • DJ Hejtmanek

The Day the Wall Crashed: Ushering in Deeper Friendships with Women

Updated: Feb 19, 2021

“Why aren’t you connected to other women in the church?” Her question hung out there like a garish neon sign at a tawdry hotel.

My eloquent response: “I don’t know.”

“You need other women in your life,” she continued.

“Why?” She looked at me like I’d grown two heads.

I couldn’t think why this was important. A handful of semi-close work and church relationships, a sister and a daughter, were more than I required. Besides, most women just hurt each other, don’t they, getting snarky, competitive and petty?

I was simply going about my life, no clue I was walking wounded and missing one of the greatest pleasures available to womankind – the deep friendship of other women.

The above conversation was a precursor to what God wanted to do in my life, but I couldn’t fathom what that might be at the time. I tucked the exchange away under “odd moments” to ponder, later. I was too busy with life – family, work, and my goals to worry about women.

Worry about women? What an oxymoron. We are the worriers; we have a corner on that market. I was not going to worry about women.

A short time later, I was invited to attend a women’s retreat. I’d always shied away from such frivolous pursuits like that – and baby showers, wedding showers, prissy teas, and ladies’ events in general. But this time, I went.

A session on forgiveness rang my bell. Hanging onto offenses had plagued me and I needed to unload another one, so I went forward for prayer. Mission accomplished. Then, the woman praying said, “Is there someone else you need to forgive?” I thought hard.

“Always my mother,” I said, “but I’ve taken care of that already.”

“Are you sure?”

Tears sprang to my eyes. No, I'm not sure. I can’t seem to get the deep down, feel-it-to-my-toes forgiveness. Like peeling an onion. Layer upon layer. Here we go again.

We prayed. I mean, we PRAYED. My toes felt it. And with the forgiving, I felt something crash inside me. Literally, a fortress of hurt and resentment fell.

This was the wall blocking out other women from my life, blocking those deep and meaningful relationships I didn’t realize were possible. That wall I didn’t know existed toppled in a moment of surrender.

The structure had been crumbling with every step of obedience. Think Jericho. The victory shout at the end finished it off.

What God demolishes, He destroys completely.

For the past 16 years, since that day, Christ-centered friendships with other women have refreshed my soul and nurtured my heart. The wall I thought was shielding me from harm was keeping me from experiencing profound joy. I have learned to trust and be trusted by godly women.

Destruction of that wall revealed truth to me, uncovering God’s design for me – to befriend and minister to women, to teach His principles and how to walk in His love, how to bring the walls down that keep us from our destiny in Christ.

I love His women.

Have you experienced hurt from another hurting woman?

That’s usually the case, you know. We hurt because we’ve been hurt. And we don’t know what to do with the pain. I wish there was a formula I could give you to see the walls come down, but the best I can do is point you to Jesus. He knew what was in us, yet He allowed us to mistreat Him, walking through the shame and pain of the cross. As he hung there betrayed by those He came to save, He forgave us.

Amazing love.

Can we do any less?

Forgive. Layer upon layer, whatever is needed. Seven times seventy. Be obedient to circle that wall, step by step.

The wall will come down, and great will be its fall.


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